We all should try to be better people: less annoying or abrasive, less prone to reaching for the cheap (verbal) shot, more sensitive to those around us. But it’s not our responsibility to ensure that the person we’re arguing with doesn’t cross the line from nasty name calling to physical violence. This tired line of thinking keeps women with abusers (because if she just avoided certain subjects…), makes it ok to beat up gay men who have the temerity to walk down a crowded street in the wrong side of town (because really, what did he expect?) and subtly endorses sociopaths who think it’s their life’s work to beat some sense into people who don’t fit a cultural norm. It’s Rhianna, it’s Matthew Sheppard, it’s Angie Zapata. It’s wrong.