adventures of mascarah.

In 2008, I gained: a new love, a new apartment, a new sense of confidence, a renewed sense of patriotism, and a little bit of faith.
I lost: a best friend, a grandmother, the new love, a few pounds.
I stopped: blaming myself for past mistakes.
I started: opening up my heart again.
I was hugely satisfied by: giving him another shot.
And frustrated by: giving him another shot.
I am so embarrassed that I: am still getting embarrassed by actions of mine when drinking. I really have got to stop.
Once again, I: ran away.
Once again, I did not: learn a new language, stop cursing. I will do both in 2009.
The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is: I can once again run 10 miles with ease.
The biggest psychological difference between me last December and this December is: my renewed belief that I deserve to be loved.
I loved spending time: trying my best to really live.
Why did I spend even two minutes: drunk texting. That never ends well. And I am too old.
I should have spent more time: laughing.
I regret buying: that $85 round of drinks at Mansion.
I will never regret buying brunch every weekend at the Little Owl even though with that money I could have bought a pair of Louboutins. God, I want some so badly.
I ate out way too much.
I didn’t have sex nearly enough.
That lack of sex nearly drove me crazy.
The most relaxing place I went was not one of the many vacations that I took, or work trips, or even trips to Sonoma/Napa, it was a hotel room with a special person that resulted (not in sex, damnit!) but in 10 hours of conversation that was amongst the best in my life.
Why did I go to his apartment? I don’t even like him.
The best thing I did for someone else was love them without any hesitation.
The best thing I did for myself was begin to be honest with myself.
The best thing someone did for me was forgive me.
The one thing I’d like to do again, but do it better, is the next draft of my first book.

(via lenachen)